A new day, a new Fay, no more takin shit with a smile
I been easy on people, I ain’t bothered ‘em lately
So if we gonna do it let’s do it right, here’s a reason to hate me
Are you ready? Fuck it, I don’t wait for permission
I will skip the gloves touchin, go straight for submission...
If you're not one of the seven people who reads my original blog, The State of Kulifay, thanks for joining. Either blind luck, bad advice or a deepseated need to abuse yourself (massochism is a legitimate medical condition, folks) has brought you here to enjoy mediocre writing without any sense of social contribution, community involvement or personal growth. The poor grammar and juvenile humor are part of the package deal. If you have been reading The State of Kulifay, and why wouldn't you be, this may come as a noticeable departure from the wisdom and refined taste you're accustomed to. You may continue to find the Tao of Johnny in that blog and if you are a devoted follower, may God have mercy on you because society won't. You're in for a bumpy road. But let me take this time to answer some questions from fictional readers that may also be on your mind as you take this first tentative step towards bettering your life:
Why a second blog when the world clearly did not care about one?
First off, that's just hurtful. The internet has given me the ability to spew whatever random thought pops into my head upon the world and I'd be doing the unwashed masses a disservice if I didn't force every single one of my irrational rants upon you. But why a second blog? Well, I'm deeper than coffee, bacon, beer and sports but also more entertaining than just existential life evaluations and relationship brooding. There are different sides to me and writing about bacon-shakes one week and then addressing my own personal issues the next is like throwing a scene from The Notebook in the middle of a Die Hard movie. It interrupts the plot, dilutes the message and confuses the audience. A second blog allows me to separate what I feel like talking about and the audience can make a more informed choice on which blog they want to waste their time on. Plus, I apparently have way too much time on my hands.
No seriously, why a second blog?
Fuck you, no one's making you read it. I'm sure a new Hunger Games book is due out any day now.
What do you hope to accomplish with Coffee, Bacon, Beer & Sports?
What the country only hopes that Obama or Romney can do: reduce the national debt, pull our troops out of harm's way, lower the unemployment level, resolve the health care debate and make America the global leader it once was. But these things don't happen overnight so in the meantime I'll give you coffee to wake you up to the realities of our world, bacon to fuel your drive, beer to help you handle the hardships and sports to give you a break from the stresses of life. But mostly I'm just trying to amuse myself without regards to consequences or pyschiatric damage I may inflict.
What is the target audience you're trying to appeal to?
My true target audience is a guy named Johnathan who grew up in St. Louis, lives in Pittsburgh and is one handsome, charming bastard who may indeed be the John Connor of social reform in our current culture of entitlement. He despises the retail shopping public, hates Lil Wayne and enjoys lime beer. Beyond that my target audience are people who enjoy Will Ferrell movies and loved N.W.A. But basically, in the immortal words of Ivan Drago (if you don't know Rocky IV this blog isn't for you) I do this blog for me...
Whom are you voting for, Obama or Romney?
Here's what we don't do here at CBB&S: discuss politics. Or religion. Or Keeping Up With The Kardashians. And balltap yourself for using the word 'whom'.
Why these four subjects in particular?
I enjoy coffee. I drink it frequently and it's saved the lives of many people around me. I enjoy bacon but proclaiming my enjoyment of bacon on Facebook kind of took on a life of its own so I run with it. Beer because...well it's beer. And I'm a man. The kind of man who invented the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of steel and brawn. Sports should be self explanatory but as precursor I'm a fan of the Steelers, San Antonio Spurs, St. Louis Cardinals, University of Missouri and various mixed martial artists who pummel other human beings for a living. I have other interests that will undoubtedly surface as this blog progresses. I also enjoy women's field hockey and badminton which I follow in Obscure Sports Quarterly.
I'm trying to wrap my head around the concept that someone is actually writing a blog focused around coffee, bacon, beer and sports? Do you have a prescription for medication that needs to be refilled?
Of course I will not limit myself to those four subjects. They're used as a metaphor for the simpler, some say shallower, pleasures of my life that I embrace and discuss openly. Naturally I will also talk about sex, hip-hop and having sex while listening to hip-hop. Sometimes 80's cartoons. And as for as my medication, if you see this pill I do need a refill. Please ask your personal physician for a prescription as well...
Where can I find The State of Kulifay blog if I want to know more about the dipshit writing Coffee, Bacon, Beer and Sports before I hunt him down and kill him to save the children from his influence?
stateofkulifay.blogspot.com And if anyone kills me before they slay everyone involved in Honey Boo Boo I swear to God I will haunt you for eternity...
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